Top Pokémon White
Pokémon Black and White introduced players to a fifth generation of Pokémon, bringing the total number of pocket monsters to just under a billion. With so many Pokémon available, how is a trainer supposed to know which ones are the best? Simple: I'm about to tell you which ones are the best. So grab a pen and some paper you're going to want to take notes. I'm obviously a Pokémon expert, as evident by my stunning analysis of some of the new Pokémon in the original Black and White. However, because I have yet to play Version 2, I asked my fellow editor Kyle to give me his picks of the best Generation V Pokémon, so that I might provide my professional assessment of them for your edification. However, it didn't take me long to realize his picks are all horrible, so after analyzing his pathetic lineup, I'm also providing what are obviously the real best Gen V Pokémon. Let the learning begin! Kyle's Horrendous Picks: Pignite Watchog Herdier Tirtouga Musharna "My God, this Pokémon is still a fetus! What kind of sicko is going to make a fetus fight?" Clearly we now have the answer: Kyle is that kind of sicko. Coming Up Next: More lousy picks by Kyle... Solosis Yamask Minccino Deino Beartic More than anything else, I'm just impressed that Kyle didn't pick Beartic's unevolved form, Cubchoo (the snot-dripping teddy on the right). Now that we've suffered through Kyle's horrendous picks, let's take a look at what are actually the best Pokémon of Black and White Version 2, as chosen by a professional... The Real Best Pokémon: Samurott Simisage Gurdurr "This Pokémon is so muscular and strongly built that even a group of wrestlers could not make it budge an inch." Let's see your Musharna stand up to that, Kyle. Throh Minccino Coming Up Next: Five More Amazing Pokémon... Darmanitan "Its internal fire burns at 2,500º F, making enough power that it can destroy a dump truck with one punch." 2,500º F is the melting point of steel. Steel. Not even the Terminator could withstand molten steel! Now that's a Pokémon! Galvantula "They employ an electrically charged web to trap their prey. While it is immobilized by shock, they leisurely consume it." Notice, Galvantula doesn't just consume its electrified foes it leisurely consumes them, like it's no big thing. Even a Xenomorph would shudder and run away from one of these things. Golurk "It flies across the sky at Mach speeds. Removing the seal on its chest makes its internal energy go out of control." So basically Golurk is a giant bomb that travels faster than the speed of sound. Which of Kyle's Pokémon wants to go up against that? Genesect Predictably, Genesect broke out of the lab and has never been seen again. To make matters worse, its cannon can be equipped with four different drives, endowing it with the powers of all four elemental types of normal Pokémon. No one knows the story behind Genesect's name; fans believe it either means "genesis bug" or "genetic bug." I have my own theory: In Japanese, this terrifying creature is actually called Genosect I'm guessing the real meaning of its name is "genocide bug." Thundurus I know what you're thinking: "I've already got a Pikachu, what do I need a Thundurus for?" Let's compare their Pokédex entries, shall we? Here's Pikachu's Pokédex entry from Pokémon Yellow: "It keeps its tail raised to monitor its surroundings. If you yank its tail, it will try to bite you." Here's the entry for Thundurus: "Countless charred remains mar the landscape of places which Thundurus has passed." Official Pokémon Rating: Holy Sh--. Despite my expertise, I referenced The Pokémon Wiki a bunch while writing this article. If you're looking to expand your Pokéknowledge even further, check out their site. |